p u s i l l a n i m o u s

TALES OF INNOCENCE PATCH IS OOOUUTT!
I'm gonna play it! I've really missed Inomata's games. I really wanna play ToR, but no English. :'(
I'm so exciiitteeed.

And yes I'm distracting myself form work.
And pain.
Owwies.

I did something to my stomach, but I'm still not sure what. Whatever it is, it's annoying. :I

So I have two volumes of Yokaiden I plowed through (I really want the rest!!!) by Nina Matsumoto, aka spacecoyote, aka the person who did the popular webcomic Saturnalia. I wasn't hooked by the first volume, but it was charming and good enough for me to continue, but, haha, the second ended in a cliffhanger and I'm totally pumped for the next!

I also have the third volume of tactics done by the much better translators at Tokyopop (as opposed to ADV, who couldn't even edit it well), and...well, it's nothing spectacular; I preferred the last two volumes in spite of the bad translation. Even still, I plan on continuing the series because Kantarou is just that cool. I seem to have a thing for the lazy tactician type characters. And after reading them and rereading chunks of Houshin Engi, I've realized that I tend to like series with youkai in it. Strange, considering I've never been a huge monster or horror fan, but...OH WELL.

And so I was inspired to pick up RO again (the free server since I'm a cheap-butt) because I am being mostly unproductive again and I feel semi-accomplished when I do something there. And I really like their monsters. AndsupersecretlyreallywantahumanoidpetthereeventhoughtamingisreallyhardAHEM. The cutesy and dark stuff there and the humongo world really gets to me in a good way, but argh, too much grinding and gold digging. I am not made for MMOs. orz;;;;

My life post-exciting things that happened to me. :S As much as I'd like to promise that CF starts this summer, no guarantees from me. But I'll do my best! And I'll get my fall semester down once I get my AP score to see if I'm going to retake a semester of calc. Wheee.

Er. So I'm back, and since I'm a terrible person, I still haven't gotten to all of my messages. But. Holy shizzynits, AX is TOMORROW. And I'd love to meet those of you who're coming!

So if you'd liike, pompi, r4inbowvomit, and I (along with psychofish's prints--we're doing it legally!) will be tabling at A57. Using r4inbowvomit's map, we'll be over here. So please drop by and get ready for some awkward convos. 8Db! We're also pinched between two super insane artists (make that five for me :D;;;) who are super scary if but only for being talented, so ANY ATTENTION IS GOOD ATTENTION. Disclaimer: we are not attention whores. Really.

Since only two people can sit at the table at a time, you might find me in a corner drawing or playing Pokeymans or something silly like that if I'm not there. I tend only to go to some voice actor panels aaaand that's it. My sis (who'd be sitting there instead in that case) should know where I am, so you can ask her if need be.

Capish? (Hahahaha, it looks like Ca-FISH, ohhh my)

...Erm. As a bit of incentive, you can ask me to draw something for you and I'll do it for free provided I know you somehow. I go to AX only for the people, so. SO. Ahahahaha. Yeeeaah. Oh, oh, dinner too. :|b

You are all amazing people and I would love to bask in your brilliant awesomeness. (Why is "awful" worse than "awesome"? Well you're FULL of AWE so. I will be awed by you. Da-hyerp.)

URRRGH. I SAID I'D GET AT LEAST ONE DONE RIGHT?!
So here it is without my being horrendously picky-picky (that is, staring at it for several hours and making minute changes)!
( HAHA TAKE THAT ARTIST'S ALLEY! )
It looks disgusting when zoomed in at 100%. ;___;''''
Look at me be lazy and NOT DRAW HANDS HAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHA. HA.

I would be proud of myself for pulling this off in a day (I'm super super slow), but...I did and still do want to make more. :\ I mean, just one thing is kinda lame, and I'm not sure I have the guts to do commissions. Well. There's always keychains and bookmarks to print cheaply and the like!

I have a million thank you cards to write, I'm still not done packing for our trip to Europe on Friday, and I still have college things to figure out. UY.

Oh, and despite how meh Angel Beats! is, I have started to like it. It's charming. The occasional sobby moments do get to me (ahahahahaha ;;;). My keyboard is dying.

My reply failing continues. The complaining too.

My agenda has been growing by the day and drawing has been pushed far down my list of priorities. Also, I find it hard to return to the fanart phase when I'm still on my originals phase. BlazBlue is not helping. I want to work on Counterpoint (1936au) THAT MUCH MORE. I also really like Jin's laugh. How the sprites will happen, I don't know, but we will make them! And I have programming skills to work on. Y-axes and X-axes and AIs and woohoos.

So you can assume this: I have lots on my agenda, but I am disgustingly distracted and not helping myself any. :| My sis is watching Angel Beats, but while it's still meh to me, it really bothers me because...because...IT'S ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME AS EARLIER VERSIONS OF IMAGINATION FALL. Afterlife. School. ANGELS. Then I trashed it. >>; Mirror had purple hair and was essentially a YURI CLONE except Mirror was an angel, a far cry from what she is now. Doodz. I swear, if I was born elsewhere I'd be writing H-game plots (except it's not an H-game. But I do have a lot of H-game parallels from before. It just works out that way. S-s-somehow).

Anyway, it's not really that horrible since I do find it amusing, but ahahaha, life story spewing. Laugh at it as I might, my stories also fall victim to this writer-trap. The most I can do is make it seem at least more natural seeming. Oh, oh, but chapter 18 of Shiki was awesoome. Fujiryu had fun with that, I'll bet what with the medical explanations and such. If Shiki continues on this note, I might actually grow to like it a lot more! This badly constructed chunk of writing is all to say, why the heck am I so distracted.

Not motivated, working on Vanessa's story too much (so un-pro of me to have so many stories at once but WHATEVARRR), itching to get Counterpoint's direction established, the only fanart I feel like drawing is Houshin Engi but no cool compositions are coming to mind, I should draw Pokemon, I'm not in the CF groove anymore (I just don't feel like iiit), IF is still as barely established as it tends to be, daifuku-usagi I want to make that story happen and I am so sorry for not establishing Sonya yeet, SoG got stuck in a rut and since I'm not watching people play RPGs or playing one myself or on a Zektbach spree I am uninspired--in short I am being a lamewad.

I am hoping to shed my lamewaddedness by tomorrow. :S

( SoG character designs for Counterpoint )

I've never been to a Jewish funeral before. I hope I can go though.

And I have no idea what everyone is talking about. Marlon Brando is not that attractive. 8| Whatever Stella's diggin', I certainly ain't.

I got over a nasty cold approximately two weeks ago.
Now I'm getting one again.

I have a chorus final this week.
I have choir practice for the Baccalaureate Mass this week.

I have a sore throat. Experience dictates that I will progressively lose my voice.

There are four altos (versus about eight sopranos) in the Mass choir, myself included.
The Cs of my chorus openly admit that they rely on me to keep them on the right pitch so much so that they often shift my position during practices to "share" me with the group.

Oh, I just came from a trip to Catalina, which had its ups and downs, but more on that when I'm less busy. It's also probably why I got sick.

For unfortunate reasons, my calculus final will most likely be pushed back, which is good for me, but I feel bad for my math teacher. This sickness is still ruining my work schedule.

Finished reading A Streetcar Named Desire before the bad acting in class--not that I can do better, but my brain sure can--ruined it was amazing. Naturally, I laughed at the STELLAAAAAAAAAHHHHH part for, well, obvious reasons. I'll analyze it while my classmates read it aloud in class and hopefully rereading it'll prove certain conclusions I drew from it. I can't read to save my life and I always seem to be totally off analyzing, so, er, baby steps? This is the first book I liked from this class!

I've been too tired to do much of anything after school, so lately I've become a library regular flippin' through tales by H.C. Andersen! Hans's namesake canonically. I don't like all of them, but I'm trying delve into Hans's mindset since he adores children's literature. God keeps invading and preaching and making miracles, which is why Dusk doesn't like Andersen, but Hans enjoys the simplicity and appreciates all the gaps left for the children to fill. I did enjoy "The Shadow" a ton, which sounded so different compared to the others I read.

I made Hans like "The Steadfast Tin Soldier," but unfortunately I didn't like it as much as he. Now that I've actually read it instead of reading summaries online (laaame), Hans totally would like this story. He's a lonely reclusive character that holes himself up with his books and manages to gain a crush (I caved and made it canonical--why yes, I can like romance) and gets a roommate forced on him to the dismay of both parties and adjusting to it all is just too difficult for him. Of course he'd love reading about a bunch of animate toys. Hans probably likes all the God-filled ones, too, but I don't plan on diving into that in CF. I made Violette like Pinocchio, so once I felt I had read enough Andersen for the day, I picked it up!

Right now (I only nicked the book), Pinocchio's hard to compare to Violette. I looked up certain similarities once upon a time, but I can't remember them. I'll keep reading, and maybe they'll hit me. It's such a painful book to read though! Pino's such a rascal and Gepetto's too easily persuaded. I was appalled by the Cricket's untimely demise. Is it sad that this horrified me more than anything I read of Andersen's? 'Cause it did. For now, I'll see if any situations can be drawn parallel to what Violette goes through or manage to find some strong enough tie somewhere.

I neglected reading the assigned Soldier's Heart in favor of fiction. Samet writes wonderfully, but I have yet to develop patience enough to read fifty pages of a sophisticated essay in one go. Children's lit has that emptiness to it that fascinates me. Usually I'm not in the mood for fairy tales and created Hans as an outlet for my fascination of them, but now I can say I do like the genre. Maybe it's just my moods, I don't know. I just need a break from all of this adult stuff. I'm not well adapted to the world of today. Just how much talent is necessary?

Oh, oh. I should add that I read all of the available scans of Pokemon Special in the span of a week. I'm so cool. :>;; It has the hottest characters ever shutup.

I do not know why I always have to worry about something. It's like I'll DIE if I'm not stressing out over SOMETHING. 8|a So about every second I'll worry about how annoying I was yesterday, how stupid or rude action/phrase A and B of mine was, if I'll die tomorrow, how the rest of life'll play out, if I did all my homework, if I managed to do well on some test or project, how I should try to limit my annoyingness in front of others, etc., etc., and I'm not even exaggerating. Ok, fine, maybe when I sleep, I won't be such a worrywart, unless my dreams have anything to say about it, but, anyway, point is, I'm constantly preoccupied.

Yeeeaaahhh. I just don't know why I feel like I HAVE to worry. I just do. I feel like I'll forget something important if I don't. I've been pretty ok about being overly paranoid this year in that I haven't cracked yet, but I have gotten sick pretty often, so maybe that's where all the stress is going? One consistent consequence, among others, of being paranoid is that I am perpetually tired. It is so not cool. And counterproductive. Paradoxical even!

I mean.
I'm tiring myself stressing out over something, and then I have no energy to do the work required to put said stress to rest.

Like.
This AP Calculus test tomorrow morning.
A scrumptious three hours and thirty minutes of puuure maaath.

Am I studying? Absolutely not.
Am I tired? Ohhh, you betcha.

Just plodding through this hell month until graduation. We'll see how it rolls. :|