p u s i l l a n i m o u s

I lost an eraser a friend gave me and a motivational pin with a shark on it this week. Now I need an eraser. :/ Kinda need it for math and junk. And I really miss that friend who gave it to me. In short: crappy week!

So have an unhappy song in which I sing with a bad mic, so I sound muffled and static-y in places. I am mostly on key, but on a couple of notes I'm off a bit. This is my more comfortable range, after all, so it's a little easier. But it is still low quality because I used a low quality mic!

( Ashes of Dreams )

I really miss singing. ;-;

( Colorful language, but does anyone really care about that anymore? :/a )

My sis and bro and I were coming up with potential cosplay ideas for me. There's Triela from Gunslinger Girl, Kurthnaga from FE9 and FE10 (even though FE10 really sucked, I still liked the Dragon people), Meliadoul and Olan (Orran) from FFT, Cecille from TotA, aaaand stuff! 8D I thought I had grown out of cosplaying, but my bro and sis have convinced me to get back into it. They're so obscure, I doubt I'd get stopped for photos much, so it's cool. 8D Another goal, I suppose!

Also, also my sis put up an AM^2 leftover sale for those who're interested:
http://pompi.deviantart.com/journal/42035354/
You can see how Altair looks in charm form (can you tell that that was really the only thing I was proud of having up there sold?)! 8D


Cool muzik cover from FFT. B)

Oh, my CS and calc II midterm aren't on the same day anymore, yaay!

Grade issues still exist though, haha.

Pianos seem to be the music of choice for the majority of my stories. Listening to pianos helps set the tone of ideas and helps them flow a bit better. Too bad my tablet decided to jack up today, haha. I have a lot of introspective characters, and pianos just fit? Even if one of them plays the violin--but that, too, works I suppose...generally the less weeping violin music. Something like "Humoresque."

I've no skill in composing, but I'd like to do it. Keep doing it, I guess, is the appropriate phrase. I'd like to learn how to play the piano well and play the melodies in my head, but I have no coordination. My coordination in violin is still heavily flawed and purely muscle memory--no talent. I'd like to learn the piano still. I hammer on the keys every once in a while and concoct a cacophony of sparse accidentals and random major chords and C major scales up and down--generally unexciting, but fun, for me.

I also picked up some awesome books in the school bookstore! H.G. Wells' The Time Machine and a collection of Ambrose Bierce's Civil War writings--all for $4.39! That's already too much to spend for me. But they had so many other books I've been wanting to read: A Midsummer Night's Dream, Turn of the Screw (even though it's horror, eeh, kinda?), The Red Badge of Courage (THIS), and so much more. *__* I had no idea such a lovely and affordable collection of books existed right there!

Since I can't really draw much at the moment (wrung dry of ideas for now), I've been reading my stress away. And it's pretty awesome, haha.

If anyone has any piano pieces (or any other piece really) they love, please, share! I'm always eager to listen to more. :)

So I mentioned a romance short story my sister challenged me to do, yeah? Well, here're some character designs! She also gave me the extra challenge of drawing it in my cartoonier style, so this'll prove to be tons of fun to make! :)

( An unlikely pair )

Oh, oh, and a Chinese version of "Bad Apple!!" Very pretty, and especially great if you prefer more acoustic instruments as opposed to electric guitars and other electric whatchamahoozits!
( Bad Apple!! in Chinese )

Yesterday was uncool. I did finish the second volume of Dickens's Great Expectations though (finally). I hate his LOOKITMEEEE I'M ALL EXPOSITION! chapters though. Otherwise I think I'd like it a lot more. It's not as if I hate it though.

....I just realized I inadvertently ate the top part of my apple. Like...the stem. Uh. Oops?

So music! I've told the world over that I have a soft spot for jazz. I also really like waltzes for some reason. So why not BOTH?

I can only read 3/4 of the title. And I'm not really a Touhou fan (sorry), but my brother is, and I do admit that there are really cool remixes out there. The video for this one is fantastic. Someone said it in the comments that it's a lot like 月のワルツ and it is. Just a lot more melancholy. So without further ado, here it is:

( Touhou super cool music and video (plus stupid comments by yours truly) )

( yay two colors on white. )

Oh, oh. I just watched the PL3 trailer. I think they've got Yuri Lowenthal as Legal Luke. I was listening to him talk and all I could think of was......CORNELIUS IS THAT YOU? Hahahaha, I'm so excited for this game. 8DDD Level 5 sure likes to mess with time in their games. After Dark Cloud 2, I am fairly convinced that someone really likes Chrono Cross in that team.

And back to music because music (especially jazzy music) makes me happy.

SO PREETTYYYYY.

Aaaah, so many institutions to keep track of! I hope this'll get easier over time. I-I think I just panic too much over everything. I really wish I could rely on myself for everything, but I have to rely on others all the time, which gets them irritated and me nervous. I'll be independent one day! DD'X

I re-thumbnailed 20+ pages of CF. I really ought to stop redo-ing and actually get to starting it. I'll try after I stop stressing out over deadlines and things. :x And hopefully I can get to doing it before school starts. I've got a heap of things on my list to conquer before I really feel like I can settle down and enjoy vacation without something pestering me at the back of my head. Aaahh--my childhood--it's ending!

I'm going to attempt to relax right after the stress-fest I pulled myself through (largely my fault, btw). Goodness meee.

Here, have some jazzy music.

I love this song. <3 I couldn't find the male cover I really like on bootube, but the original is still really pretty! The male voice is a bit strange considering the context of the song, but it sounds really nice. ;w; Here it is on nicovid if you have an account there! He goes by...Crimson, if I read that right.

Gero's good cover of Miku's "Scissor Hands". I never saw Edward Scissorhands, play nor movie, but the song is based off of it, and...er, I don't where I'm going with it, but I think it's a nice song, I think.

Mmm...I haven't been able to practice the violin lately. I've gone through like five projects, and then another five projects spring up after I finish those, and many of them were group projects where one or more of the group does little to no work. Good grief! Cut me some slack! I especially hate it when these classes make design and creativity worth a lot of points when it doesn't contribute to the learning process at all. :/ My eyes have been bloodshot this whole week from eyestrain since I've been staring at the computer for hours everyday this month working on projects and presentations and papers with a chunk of calc homework on the side (I still haven't caught up in that class) all the while sleeping for a little more than four hours each night.

I draw more than I play the violin to de-stress because I'm already at a desk with scrap paper strewn about and, hey, I have my tablet here, too. So while I'm working on some presentation or researching, I'll doodle when I get too tired, or write if I don't feel like drawing. But only for a bit. The violin, on the other hand, is more tiring since it's a lot more physical, my violin's fairly heavy, and bowing is still difficult for me. Since my homework tends to take me quite a while, by the time I give myself a break, the majority of my family's asleep, so playing would be rude. My neighbors' dogs also have a tendency to bark at me when I play, so it'd bother the neighbors, too. Yeah, the walls here are pretty darn thin.

So I picked it up just now on a day where I actually got home before dark. It's really depressing how much has slipped away. My bowing is totally off and my fingering's really sloppy. My violin's out of tune, too, so this isn't helping me in my aural training (I-I still can't tune my violin. FOR SHAME). And, yes, those dogs were indeed yapping their heads off. I convinced my parents to give me these classes, so I feel bad that I'm falling behind instead of moving forward. It's a waste of their money and I also don't want to waste my instructor's time either. But my parents are also paying tuition for my high school education, and since it's a parochial school, it's pretty darn expensive, so I can't fall behind on school work.

Geez. Priorities, priorities, which one of you falls in front?

Uhh...wow. Way to go, HIMEKA!
I must say, I-I'm kind of jealous. XD I must also say that her singing is pretty good; no note feels like it wasn't fleshed out to my full potential (although I'm judging by, what, ONE SONG here?). :D

( BLAHBLAHTHISISABOUTMEWHYYDOIEVENBOTHEROTL )

That aside, HIMEKA is really inspiring. :) I'm really excited to hear what ED Tegami Bachi will have! It's adorable how she read all seven volumes because of it, haha!

Welp, I've got my work cut out for me this weekend! This is what I get for choosing to do extracurricular activities. Speaking of which, I think I won't do plays this year. The person in charge of the church choir likes to stalk people down and make 'em sing for Mass (it's...hilarious, but kinda scary, too XD;), which is enough work for me, and I really don't have the capacity to memorize a whole lot of Shakespeare this semester or next. Maybe one day I'll take classes outside of school for acting. It's a lot of fun, but...my teacher never said anything about how I acted, so I was never sure if I was doing things right or wrong. D: Chorus class is a great morning class, but I hadn't imagined it to be so slow paced! He said he'd give us the music next week, so maybe it'll pick up then.

That aside, I need to reacquaint myself with functions and what they are. My problem with math is not that I hate it for being math, but that I hate it for making me really stressed. I'm a slow learner, and I'm prone to making silly mistakes everywhere, which tends to drag my grade down. I'll try to keep up. It's too late to drop it now without a penalty, and even if I did it without the penalty, my parents would ridicule me. I also need to start my college apps and registering for SATs and find some time to complete my community service requirements.

I have violin class soon, but I hardly practiced this week. The jazz exercise in my book is really throwing me off! I'm not good at rhythm, though I have improved, but, again, I'm a slow learner, so it's still difficult for me. My bowing and fingering need a lot of work, too. There's so much I should know by now, but I can't summon the energy to practice, or homework gets in the way or something! I also want to enter the "design the walk shirt" contest even though I'm up against a whole slew of art students (their teacher forces them to enter the contest, haha...ha)!

Lack of confidence is still biting me hard, but, confidence or no, life still moves along. Unfortunately, I don't have time for MBF right now. It's too late for Glen to enter the battle, isn't it. ^^;