Here we go again.

[keyk]

I've been aware of my inferiority complex for a while now and I've tried millions of ways to try to get over it, but it hasn't happened. It's not so much with people online, but more with my siblings. A few years ago, I dubbed myself the "failure of the family," haha. XDD;; They're a lot better than me in pretty much everything, be it math, science, writing, etc. etc. That's probably why I want to take a different path than them. I'll be the first to not take art classes because it looks like a world of death to me. But I still have to pursue math and science because of my career choices and possible majors, and looking at my math grades, I start getting emo over how I'm not as good as my siblings, yadda yadda blah blah. I really worry way too much about my grades, especially now that I'm going to try to enter honors classes next year (possibly AP). Maybe I'm thinking too much again, I don't know. I wish I could separate myself from my siblings, and not think so much about this. But it's not like I don't want to pursue what they're already pursuing, but for the sake of my head, maybe I should.

I also hate how I am the cause of other people's inferiority complexes. Their expressions just say it all, and I'm sure they aren't just kidding around. I try to hide things from them and try not to be obvious about it to not upset them, but they find out anyway. I guess this was also a reason I avoided people back then.^^; I've wished I was terrible at everything just to avoid the guilt of making someone feel bad plenty of times.

Relationships are too complex for me. I'd already decided a path to follow, but now I'm not sure if I should. I wish there was an easy way to accept my current point in life. I fail at making myself or anyone feel better about themselves. @_@;

Comments

[animetor-lily.livejournal.com]

awww there threr keyk-chan~ *pats* don't feel bad... I'm the eldest of all my (now 7) siblings, and I'm definitely the stupidest XD; not that I'm happy about it, but I just accept the fact and try to do what best I can~ ^^

my bro is a crack computer programmer, and my sis is a freakin SCIENTIST. Ovo; gawd... my mom is in the government, and my dad has a PhD. my second youngest sister gets straight A's in school. I'm the only dummy in this family ^_^; my parents used to do a lot of comparing in the past, but thankfully they stopped a couple of years before I finished high school. My bro and sis are awesome too so I've got no complaints XD Scientist sis can be weird sometimes tho. lol~

[jamuko.livejournal.com]

Aw, K-chan~~ (hm I'm sounding like Lily XD )

It probably always seems like they're ahead of you, but a lot of it is just an illusion because they've got a head start in age. ^^ I think you're very mature for your age, and I'm sure that carries over to many aspects of your life, even if you don't realize it.

Don't worry too much about making other people feel inferior... it's inevitable. Most people are naturally harsh on themselves, and so anything impressive anyone does has a chance of making someone else feel inferior. But should you let that stop you from ever accomplishing anything worthwhile? Of course not. ^^ Just think, for every person who feels inadequate because of it, there is another who is inspired, impressed, or simply feels joy from it. ^^ And those things are worth it, ne?

Relationships are indeed complex. What exactly is the path you're following, if you don't mind me asking? In any case, I wouldn't worry about it too much yet. Unfortunately, most relationships at your age tend to be shallow or hormone-driven :/ which, even though it provides life experience that many people go through, I know it isn't the kind of thing you'd enjoy. (And hey, I'm living proof that someone like this could skip that whole step and turn out alright...... I think XD )

We haven't had a nice deep conversation in a while. ^^ Feel free to talk to me about anything you'd like if you feel comfortable.