(no subject)

The last time I felt this dead was probably when I was puking during finals week last year. I'm just so discouraged. I tend to study much longer than most people, and I still end up with the lower grade. I can't help but feel kind of stupid. I know, most people tell me I'm not since I'm able to maintain a so-and-so GPA, but, goshdarnit, I feel like such a dolt in my class when even with all of my efforts I still can't get the grades I aim for. I wish there was someone on the same boat as me, but my friends are all geniuses who can get A's even after telling me they haven't studied, and I, who has studied for about six hours more than them, can get no higher than a B. Everything that's been going on has just been burning my self confidence away.

I can't imagine taking anymore of these tests, doing all of this work--I'm getting so fed up with school. It's even more discouraging how schools are raising the bar for those who want A.P. credit in college; I feel like the highest I can manage is a 3, but now I'll need a 4 or a 5--but it just won't happen. Learn this for the test, do this for the test--I hate college board. I hate how I'm being taught that my life will be decided by all of these stupid tests.

(no subject)

Enneagram type 5! I think it's amusing that a few of the characters I really like have the same enneagram type as me, ex., Wilhelm from Xenosaga (so says those official books!). MAN. I thought I'd go more for chaos or KOSMOS or Jin (although I like most characters in Xenosaga), but, inexplicably, my favorite ended up being Wilhelm. He's such an awesome jerk. I'm not sure how dependable the fictional characters down there are, but Gregory House and L? Pfft. Really now. I'll never be as awesome as them, but, hey, it's cool to know.

It's hilarious that I retreat to researching for comfort especially when I should have my face buried in my books right now. Research stuff you've already studied! Hahaha. No.