keyk | ... ... yey for...ellipses(sp?..if it's right at all ~

Hi all... ...
Yeah... I finally got a new icon...we're all so proud, aren't we (sarcasm)?
I'm friggin tired of school...2 years...of pretty much being a total loner. It's hard to communicate with anyone. I'm tired of it. I would move, but, our very strict yet very good math teacher is there, so I want to learn. We three, Pompi, Jeff, and me, Keyk, are all competitive. I'm the least competitive, but nevertheless, I'm going to stay here. When Pompi (my sister) said she was going to beat Jeff (my brother), my parents turned to me. I simply said, "I can only to bad." I still believe that. I can't find anything good about me at all...
(yeah yeah...screw indenting)I'm obbsessed with Houshin Engi...I haven't been exposed to too many anime or manga, so I have pretty bad taste right now. Haha...does this journal give an odd aura or what?
Anyway...I love Taikoubou...he's been dominating my notebooks. He probably hates me now. Oh well. That's what everyone thinks about me (or so I think) anyway. My journal hasn't gotten a single comment yet. I think it's really weird...*sigh*
Stupid school. They think media is all cool (I think it stinks...I mean actors, movies, etc.) and they think I'm an idiot. Ask me a famous person, I'll say, "Who's that?" ...if it's a historical person, the chances of me knowing may be a little higher, BUT nevertheless, I am indeed clueless.
I do nothing, I look down, I cry inside, but RARELY does anyone come to ask how I'm doing...it wouldn't matter though. I'd simply lie...which is a bad thing. I'd say that it was nothing, but to avoid making it a total lie, I'd say, "It was nothing important." What does it matter anymore?..this...school. Many people don't even act kind to others anymore...they seem to have no feelings...cuss...hurt...and ignore those in pain (I'm talking about myself...yeah...ha ha). If I had the chance, and had enough courage, I'd ask everyone, "What am I to you?" ...I don't believe that chance will come. I've been made shy by my class...unable to do anything in front of them. Many of you know the "online me" which is completely different from the "home and school me".
Internet...the few places that gives me a bit of happiness. Well, since the real me and online me are totally different, I can ask you, "What am I to you?"
I don't know...at all. I know I'm idiotic, but I can't help it. It's difficult to concentrate in anything. So few people I have actually met have bothred to care about...me (I know I'm confusing myself with the grammar uses of "I" and "you" so please excuse that). If you could help me in my current life, I would truly be grateful. Anyone who has been nice to me or anyone in general (yes, even the ones who're mean to me) I care for. I've always tried to be nice to everyone...but it doesn't always work. I feel so alone in my life. As other people live worse lives than I, I feel bad about the way I am. How is it...that I...matter..? Even if my school wants us to have confidence, I have gained none. Because...I feel inside...and no matter how many people say they do...I feel like no one cares about me. ... ... ...I'm ranting again. Yes, my annoying rants. I know...you probably hate how I am always complaining like this, but, for so long...since...preschool, I've never had more than 3 true friends in real life...
... ... ... ...I really need to do my homework now. Bye.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(yes, I finally got an LJ)

What are you to me? When I think of you, it makes me happy, because you are such a kind person. You always try to help people out even if it might be inconvenient for you. You have a really good heart (I don't care if that sounds cliche), and stupidly enough, I have learned that having that quality will often lead to people being mean to you. I hate that, but I guess it's just the way it is at this age. The mean people like that feel better about themselves if they have some way to feel power over another, so they end up taking advantage of the nice and quiet ones, because they (the nice ones) don't have the meanness in them to stand up to being made fun of. I would say you should try to ignore them... but I know how it is. Everyone says to do that, but it's not that easy. So... if you can do that, try your best. But more importantly, keep in mind that there really are people that care about your existance. I do. I know it might be hard to believe sometimes, especially when there are so many people attacking your feelings in large groups, but try to see through it. I know it hurts, but... they are only doing it for stupid reasons to improve their own feelings about themselves. It's not really anything they truly hate about you. Also... if you're quiet, they obviously don't know you very well, right? Then they have no basis to form their twisted opinions on. That's another good reason to not believe whatever they might say against you. ^^

(Oops, I haven't been making paragraphs x.x) And... about the online/offline different personality thing. I know how that is, too. But... the truth is, even though you act differently, you're still you. Your beliefs and feelings don't change. Sure, you may be more outgoing or energetic online, but... what I have realized over my time here is that online personalities are even closer to the 'real' you than you might think. You probably act shy IRL because of various reasons... you might be too nervous to talk to people, or you don't know what to say, or you're afraid of what they'll think of you, or other reasons. Mostly subconscious. But online, your words more closely match your thoughts. For example, right now... I'm taking the time to think out what I'm saying nd write it here, to tell you. If this were in person, I would be stuck for words... I'd feel really bad for you, but I wouldn't be able to say anything. But here, I can tell you my thoughts as I think them in my brain, and make sure I'm saying what I want to say before you recieve it. So a lot of the nervousness and shyness is stripped away, and you know what I'm thinking, rather than just what I am able to say.

(Whoa... I passed the max. character limit for comments. XD;; Wow... 4300 is the max. So, I'll split in into two comments.)

(cont'd ^ )

Anyway... I'm sorry I'm going on so long. Maybe it's so long, it makes up a little for the comments you didn't get before on your journal...? ^^;; Well... I really hope you feel better. I know just how you feel. Just remember that people really do care about you... and just because I don't know you in person doesn't mean that it's any different. Like I said, you're still you, even if your shyness level changes drastically... your inner thoughts don't change. Don't brush it off if people tell you they care... even if it seems like they're just saying it to make you feel better or something, don't be so quick to dismiss it. Especially if it was in person... I mentioned before that if I were trying to tell you all this IRL, I wouldn't be able to pull my thoughts together. I would tell you I cared, but you might not believe it without evidence. But as you can see... would I have gone on this long and taken the time to think and type this much if I didn't care?

And, one last thing... you're not idiotic, you're not annoying, and I don't hate the ranting, at all. Sometimes it's just really good to rant and just let it all out... and also, if you do that, people can try to help, right? Like what I'm doing now. LJ is the perfect place to do it, since it's /your/ journal, where you can talk about whatever's going through /your/ head. If you feel the need to rant, go ahead. That's what it is for. ^^ It's your own space.

Okay. I think I'll finally stop now. ^^; I hope this helps you see things a little better... it's hard for me to talk about this kind of stuff, but everything I've said I've learned from personal experience. Things will gradually get better. There's light at the end of the tunnel!! And... if you ever need help getting over rocks along the way, I'll be sure to lend a helping hand. ^^ *hug* You can do it.

;o; Jamuko always makes me feel happier (that's why I call you "sama" all of the time...unless I'm too lazy to type it.XD;;;~)! Thank you for the info! Although being able to follow it right away will be difficult, but THANKYOUSOMUUCH~~>w<
*hugs back*I can't believe you care about me so much!!*glompage*

Oops... forgot to reply earlier ^^;;;

I'm glad it could help a little... ;o; but I still don't think I'm deserving of the title "sama". XD I appreciate it though... ^_^

I know it will be difficult to follow... but I just wanted to share with you what I've learned from my experiences. Since you're going through a lot of stuff I used to go through, I feel like it would be beneficial to you to know what I know now. I know you can't truly know it until you learn it yourself the hard way, but I hope it will still be helpful to keep this in mind, and have it lead you in the right direction. ^^

And of course I care about you~~ ;o; I love your family so much. (In a "friend" way of course ^^;;;; ) You and Pompi and Jeff... you guys are great. >w< I think I've talked to you three more than I've talked to any other people online. ^^; You're all such good people, and it always makes me laugh and smile to talk to you. X3 So you may not know it, but you have all made me happier overall. ^^ I'll take this opportunity to thank you for that (all three of you). ^_^

Woow...such a late reply...tsk.
Yes, of course you deserve the "-sama" title!!;o;
I probably will learn it the hard way, but what you tell me at least alleviates some of my pain!:3
>w< Thank you so much for caring!!! I laugh a lot when I talk to you and I'm alway happy when I talk to you~~>w< Squeee~ Thank you very much too!!
I love you muchly too (friend love of course too XD)~*glompage*

... ... yey for...ellipses(sp?..if it's right at all ~_~;) ... ...

Part 1

Part 2

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