Resolutions..?
Jan. 1st, 2009 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
keykEveryone else is doing it, so why not?
Last year 2008 was pretty sucky for me. >_>;; Sure, the majority of that is probably my fault and my pessimism and my being a hormone-filled emo teenager who thinks too much, BUT. That doesn't make it suck any less than it did. >_o;; Mostly school and family related. The problems aren't all that major, but I still find these small things too hard to handle. ^^; I guess this year, I'll try to piece back together my mental health and not stress myself out so much in my senior year (well, there's still college apps...). I think I'll try to enjoy myself more; less impressing others and more taking classes for self interests. But, man, I really wish I didn't lose sight of what I wanted to do in life. Science isn't for me, but I don't know what else I can do. :/
As much as I love art, I don't think I can pursue it for a living; I've never taken drawing classes outside of elementary school (which was a throwaway class, pretty much), singing classes outside of music class in elementary (again, a throwaway class), and have only started acting and playing music seriously now. Am I really experienced enough to do any of it for a lifetime? ......Even then, I still hope I can voice act one day--it looks like so much fun. I don't have to worry about make-up or anything! I can deal with stages and audiences and speaking loudly, but costumes and makeup and blocking--eck. I can make a fool out of myself! Change character! Utilize different voices!.....maybe I should try out for AX Idol when I'm old enough, HAHAHA. Not that my singing voice is the greatest thing in the world, but at least it's not TERRIBLE.
I DID REALLY enjoy AX 2008, though. The guests were pretty meh, but meeting people online--<33. HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR. I've made a few friends this year, too, which is great! New sketchbook was nice, but is not helping me progress AT ALL in my work. >_>;; New story was nice (I make one every year or something--weird); I love coming up with ideas. Starting violin lessons was great!
I still spent 80% of the year emo-ing though. I really need to change that; it's a waste of time and doesn't help make me feel any better. I hope that I won't crash EVEN IF I'm no longer eligible for that seal on my diploma, EVEN IF I don't pass my A.P. exams, EVEN IF my SAT scores can't compare to my brother's and sister's, EVEN IF I keep losing. I need to take the effort to push forward, even if I'm convinced the whole world is laughing at me.
Great way to start the year. A goodly amount of cheesy lines delivered by yours truly. >_>; Sarcasm: do you sense it? I still have my doubts that this year will be an improvement (junior year's not over yet, as deadly as the thing is), but I need to get over my pessimism.
On another note, our fish has lived through 10 years. AWESOME. <3333 Had him since first grade.
EDIT: Now I just feel like crap. I wish I felt all right just NOT doing my homework, but I won't. Hopefully I never will be that indifferent, but I think all of this stress is unnecessary.
I don't understand how my teachers expect me to study for all of my classes, do all of these papers, in the span of two weeks. Are they assuming that we celebrate ONLY on the holiday, and that our parents won't take us elsewhere on other days because THEY want a vacation? Even if it has my birthday, school makes me hate January.
Last year 2008 was pretty sucky for me. >_>;; Sure, the majority of that is probably my fault and my pessimism and my being a hormone-filled emo teenager who thinks too much, BUT. That doesn't make it suck any less than it did. >_o;; Mostly school and family related. The problems aren't all that major, but I still find these small things too hard to handle. ^^; I guess this year, I'll try to piece back together my mental health and not stress myself out so much in my senior year (well, there's still college apps...). I think I'll try to enjoy myself more; less impressing others and more taking classes for self interests. But, man, I really wish I didn't lose sight of what I wanted to do in life. Science isn't for me, but I don't know what else I can do. :/
As much as I love art, I don't think I can pursue it for a living; I've never taken drawing classes outside of elementary school (which was a throwaway class, pretty much), singing classes outside of music class in elementary (again, a throwaway class), and have only started acting and playing music seriously now. Am I really experienced enough to do any of it for a lifetime? ......Even then, I still hope I can voice act one day--it looks like so much fun. I don't have to worry about make-up or anything! I can deal with stages and audiences and speaking loudly, but costumes and makeup and blocking--eck. I can make a fool out of myself! Change character! Utilize different voices!.....maybe I should try out for AX Idol when I'm old enough, HAHAHA. Not that my singing voice is the greatest thing in the world, but at least it's not TERRIBLE.
I DID REALLY enjoy AX 2008, though. The guests were pretty meh, but meeting people online--<33. HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR. I've made a few friends this year, too, which is great! New sketchbook was nice, but is not helping me progress AT ALL in my work. >_>;; New story was nice (I make one every year or something--weird); I love coming up with ideas. Starting violin lessons was great!
I still spent 80% of the year emo-ing though. I really need to change that; it's a waste of time and doesn't help make me feel any better. I hope that I won't crash EVEN IF I'm no longer eligible for that seal on my diploma, EVEN IF I don't pass my A.P. exams, EVEN IF my SAT scores can't compare to my brother's and sister's, EVEN IF I keep losing. I need to take the effort to push forward, even if I'm convinced the whole world is laughing at me.
Great way to start the year. A goodly amount of cheesy lines delivered by yours truly. >_>; Sarcasm: do you sense it? I still have my doubts that this year will be an improvement (junior year's not over yet, as deadly as the thing is), but I need to get over my pessimism.
On another note, our fish has lived through 10 years. AWESOME. <3333 Had him since first grade.
EDIT: Now I just feel like crap. I wish I felt all right just NOT doing my homework, but I won't. Hopefully I never will be that indifferent, but I think all of this stress is unnecessary.
I don't understand how my teachers expect me to study for all of my classes, do all of these papers, in the span of two weeks. Are they assuming that we celebrate ONLY on the holiday, and that our parents won't take us elsewhere on other days because THEY want a vacation? Even if it has my birthday, school makes me hate January.
