You are such a thoughtful person, especially for your age. ^_^ That already is something to be valued, even though I know it must seem to you like your thoughts bring you down. There are people who grow up and choose to ignore or not even consider such serious matters as this, whether they are afraid or just plain apathetic, and those are the people who end up losing their purposes in life; not people like you.
It's normal to have semi-suicidal thoughts at this age. The teenage years as a whole are a bit of a torrent of confusion for everyone. Your purpose is clouded, and your future is starting to make its importance known in your mind, but it is ambiguous... and that can be rather worrisome. But don't worry, there is always an end to the storm, so long as you see it through.
Let's see...
Is it easier to stand, or is it easier to fall? Of course, it is easier to fall. But... the easiest route is quite often not the best. If you fall off a boat, what do you do? It might be easy to think "oh darn, I guess that's the end" and allow the water to take you. But no... you fight. You fight against what brings you down, and you can make it back up. And you'll feel better about yourself for it.
I also understand the conflicting emotions/sides. It is tough... when people said "just be yourself", it made me wonder, what is "myself"? Even now, I am not entirely sure. I have facets that are super-friendly, and those that are mischievous. I love simple kindness, but also a good sharp wit. Slowly through our experiences we learn to balance our various traits, and I think we (as humans) are still learning things about ourselves even as we grow old.
Seeing people value your talent over your self is something most artists have to face. It's okay to let people on the outside value your talents; you can't let everyone into your personal bubble in order to really know you, after all. But, the things you do ultimately spawn from who you are. And you, as well as your closer friends, should value you for you. "I've done nothing that has impacted another so greatly"... now that's just a flat-out lie. ^_^ Even if you can't see it, I promise you that you have affected others in a very positive way... including me. You may not have solved the world's problems, but you cannot be expected to have done so. What you have done is touched the lives of others, even in your short 14 years. When you can make someone smile -- a genuine, loving smile -- that is something to be treasured. I am thankful to have met you.
I'm sure you already know of all the cliche reasons I could give you to live - but they are all true. You will find happiness along this path if you search for it.
I enjoy knowing you no matter how you act. You are you, and I love you for that. ^^ Don't be afraid to be true to yourself. If you hate the masks, then throw them away. Others know that no one is completely free of problems, and friends, if they are worth a dime, will be there for you when you need them. I, for one, will offer my hand to you. ^^ It is not selfish to want that. If there is anything I can do to help you along this road of life, I am happy to do it and it is never a burden.
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winterfish
no subject
Date: 2006-06-15 06:58 am (UTC)It's normal to have semi-suicidal thoughts at this age. The teenage years as a whole are a bit of a torrent of confusion for everyone. Your purpose is clouded, and your future is starting to make its importance known in your mind, but it is ambiguous... and that can be rather worrisome. But don't worry, there is always an end to the storm, so long as you see it through.
Let's see...
Is it easier to stand, or is it easier to fall?
Of course, it is easier to fall. But... the easiest route is quite often not the best. If you fall off a boat, what do you do? It might be easy to think "oh darn, I guess that's the end" and allow the water to take you. But no... you fight. You fight against what brings you down, and you can make it back up. And you'll feel better about yourself for it.
I also understand the conflicting emotions/sides. It is tough... when people said "just be yourself", it made me wonder, what is "myself"? Even now, I am not entirely sure. I have facets that are super-friendly, and those that are mischievous. I love simple kindness, but also a good sharp wit. Slowly through our experiences we learn to balance our various traits, and I think we (as humans) are still learning things about ourselves even as we grow old.
Seeing people value your talent over your self is something most artists have to face. It's okay to let people on the outside value your talents; you can't let everyone into your personal bubble in order to really know you, after all. But, the things you do ultimately spawn from who you are. And you, as well as your closer friends, should value you for you. "I've done nothing that has impacted another so greatly"... now that's just a flat-out lie. ^_^ Even if you can't see it, I promise you that you have affected others in a very positive way... including me. You may not have solved the world's problems, but you cannot be expected to have done so. What you have done is touched the lives of others, even in your short 14 years. When you can make someone smile -- a genuine, loving smile -- that is something to be treasured. I am thankful to have met you.
I'm sure you already know of all the cliche reasons I could give you to live - but they are all true. You will find happiness along this path if you search for it.
I enjoy knowing you no matter how you act. You are you, and I love you for that. ^^ Don't be afraid to be true to yourself. If you hate the masks, then throw them away. Others know that no one is completely free of problems, and friends, if they are worth a dime, will be there for you when you need them. I, for one, will offer my hand to you. ^^ It is not selfish to want that. If there is anything I can do to help you along this road of life, I am happy to do it and it is never a burden.