Yeah, this icon does look wide. DX
May. 14th, 2007 01:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
keykI just entered a point of no return in a game. ON ACCIDENT. I was supposed to leave and save, but nooo. X_x
I haven't started on my ecology project, and I'm quite nervous about presenting alone in front of an all-sophomore-except for me-class. Especially since I'm the only one without a partner. Hoo-boy.
I'm trying to walk away from procrastination *gasp!* ...to no avail, of course. XD; I still have all of my drawing projects and sewing projects (as much as I suck at sewing since I always see the needle embedded into my skin every five minutes) put off until after school. A friend was going to go cosplay shopping with us this weekend, but sadly, since she's busy and we're busy, it didn't happen.
I've been pretty mean to people lately as I'm rather blunt irl. It's not like I can't be nice, but ever since going to my old school, I've had a cynical opinion of lots of people. I still feel more connected to my online friends than my irl friends, with a few exceptions. :/ I'm pretty polite when I first meet someone though, but once they start acting like close friends with me, I tend to back off for some reason. XD; I...can't stand phone calls or going out on hang-outs without any other reason except hanging out. Especially if it's just me and the other person. I never did become that goody-goody person I wanted to be back in my old school. Or maybe it was because of the environment I was thrown into in there that I never became a really nice person. People say I'm nice, but am I really? I beg to differ because otherwise I wouldn't insult people so openly. Despite my being like this though, people still come to me for help and a friend, and I fail to understand why. Even when people come to me and ask for help with their suicidal problems, they expect me to solve things for them. Or when they ask me for help because their scared, they expect me to console them. But I really don't know how; I don't want to lie and tell them something I don't believe. Then again, I'm pretty hypocritical when it comes down to it.
I used to be a doormat for everything though when I tried to be really goody goody. I let people do anything to me from copying homework to stealing my pencils and such, and I hated every minute of it. The school saw me as a good role model. The teachers overly admired me, and I hated that too. I hate that school, I really do. Even now I still reflect on stupid mistakes I've made back there. I never want to return to that school again. I even made that empty promise when a teacher asked me if I would keep in touch or see her again. I'm such a hypocrite. I incessantly contradict myself, and I'm sure at least one person has noticed.
It looks like I never did erase the entire "I hate myself" part of me. It's still there. EWW. I feel so helpless sometimes. I really don't want to think like this anymore. I've found people who go up to people and tell them of their problems and just ask for attention to be pretty annoying. Online, I don't mind as much for some reason, and I have more sympathy for people online than I do in real life. Pretty cruel of me, eh? But I find my own to be especially annoying, online or not.
I reeally don't know what I expect from myself anymore. I get mad at myself after insulting someone openly, yet I refuse to apologize to them (unless I've really hurt them). I don't understand my personality. XD; It's a strange thing. It's so contradictory.
EDIT: Having parents rub things in and pretend they know everything is nowhere near enjoyable. I understand that it was Mother's Day, but I'd rather you not insult me when I'm already upset about it. And stop giving me tips on how to be "more social". I've tried them already, and they failed. UTTERLY. Not that I have the guts to tell you this. If only you didn't say "I know" everytime I state something. No, you don't. Sometimes you do, but lots of times, you don't. ....I sound like a typical complaining child now. EWW. But I wish you would listen to me for once. Our relationship is pretty much nonexistant. I'm really saddened by the fact that I'm not as thankful for my parents as I should be.
...WELL. I wasn't planning on typing something like this (I started by talking about a video game...). >_>; Haha, yeah, I guess it could be called angst. Man, I'm really cynical, aren't I?
I haven't started on my ecology project, and I'm quite nervous about presenting alone in front of an all-sophomore-except for me-class. Especially since I'm the only one without a partner. Hoo-boy.
I'm trying to walk away from procrastination *gasp!* ...to no avail, of course. XD; I still have all of my drawing projects and sewing projects (as much as I suck at sewing since I always see the needle embedded into my skin every five minutes) put off until after school. A friend was going to go cosplay shopping with us this weekend, but sadly, since she's busy and we're busy, it didn't happen.
I've been pretty mean to people lately as I'm rather blunt irl. It's not like I can't be nice, but ever since going to my old school, I've had a cynical opinion of lots of people. I still feel more connected to my online friends than my irl friends, with a few exceptions. :/ I'm pretty polite when I first meet someone though, but once they start acting like close friends with me, I tend to back off for some reason. XD; I...can't stand phone calls or going out on hang-outs without any other reason except hanging out. Especially if it's just me and the other person. I never did become that goody-goody person I wanted to be back in my old school. Or maybe it was because of the environment I was thrown into in there that I never became a really nice person. People say I'm nice, but am I really? I beg to differ because otherwise I wouldn't insult people so openly. Despite my being like this though, people still come to me for help and a friend, and I fail to understand why. Even when people come to me and ask for help with their suicidal problems, they expect me to solve things for them. Or when they ask me for help because their scared, they expect me to console them. But I really don't know how; I don't want to lie and tell them something I don't believe. Then again, I'm pretty hypocritical when it comes down to it.
I used to be a doormat for everything though when I tried to be really goody goody. I let people do anything to me from copying homework to stealing my pencils and such, and I hated every minute of it. The school saw me as a good role model. The teachers overly admired me, and I hated that too. I hate that school, I really do. Even now I still reflect on stupid mistakes I've made back there. I never want to return to that school again. I even made that empty promise when a teacher asked me if I would keep in touch or see her again. I'm such a hypocrite. I incessantly contradict myself, and I'm sure at least one person has noticed.
It looks like I never did erase the entire "I hate myself" part of me. It's still there. EWW. I feel so helpless sometimes. I really don't want to think like this anymore. I've found people who go up to people and tell them of their problems and just ask for attention to be pretty annoying. Online, I don't mind as much for some reason, and I have more sympathy for people online than I do in real life. Pretty cruel of me, eh? But I find my own to be especially annoying, online or not.
I reeally don't know what I expect from myself anymore. I get mad at myself after insulting someone openly, yet I refuse to apologize to them (unless I've really hurt them). I don't understand my personality. XD; It's a strange thing. It's so contradictory.
EDIT: Having parents rub things in and pretend they know everything is nowhere near enjoyable. I understand that it was Mother's Day, but I'd rather you not insult me when I'm already upset about it. And stop giving me tips on how to be "more social". I've tried them already, and they failed. UTTERLY. Not that I have the guts to tell you this. If only you didn't say "I know" everytime I state something. No, you don't. Sometimes you do, but lots of times, you don't. ....I sound like a typical complaining child now. EWW. But I wish you would listen to me for once. Our relationship is pretty much nonexistant. I'm really saddened by the fact that I'm not as thankful for my parents as I should be.
...WELL. I wasn't planning on typing something like this (I started by talking about a video game...). >_>; Haha, yeah, I guess it could be called angst. Man, I'm really cynical, aren't I?
