Here we go again.

I've been aware of my inferiority complex for a while now and I've tried millions of ways to try to get over it, but it hasn't happened. It's not so much with people online, but more with my siblings. A few years ago, I dubbed myself the "failure of the family," haha. XDD;; They're a lot better than me in pretty much everything, be it math, science, writing, etc. etc. That's probably why I want to take a different path than them. I'll be the first to not take art classes because it looks like a world of death to me. But I still have to pursue math and science because of my career choices and possible majors, and looking at my math grades, I start getting emo over how I'm not as good as my siblings, yadda yadda blah blah. I really worry way too much about my grades, especially now that I'm going to try to enter honors classes next year (possibly AP). Maybe I'm thinking too much again, I don't know. I wish I could separate myself from my siblings, and not think so much about this. But it's not like I don't want to pursue what they're already pursuing, but for the sake of my head, maybe I should.

I also hate how I am the cause of other people's inferiority complexes. Their expressions just say it all, and I'm sure they aren't just kidding around. I try to hide things from them and try not to be obvious about it to not upset them, but they find out anyway. I guess this was also a reason I avoided people back then.^^; I've wished I was terrible at everything just to avoid the guilt of making someone feel bad plenty of times.

Relationships are too complex for me. I'd already decided a path to follow, but now I'm not sure if I should. I wish there was an easy way to accept my current point in life. I fail at making myself or anyone feel better about themselves. @_@;